WTF is TNA? Why do people keep talking about it? I think it's some kind of inside joke or something. If Foley ever gets involved, maybe I'll care.

(Orlando, FL) To build upon the success (ok, to leech off of the success) of the recent theatrical release, Kung Fu Panda, Total Nonstop Action Wrestling has announced that they have signed Andyville's Prime Minister Ninja Andrew Nathaniel Panda Jr. to a lucrative contract. TNA officials (ok, Don West) cite that Ninja Andy is a multiple time Purplehead Wrestling champion, despite the fact that the PHW promotion does not actually exist.

When reached for comment on the subject, Ninja Andy replied:

"What the f*** is TNA? You mean that show with the Tards in the crowd? F*** that. Now leave me alone while I work on my lawsuit against Dreamworks for stealing my gimmick!"

Despite his response, TNA still insists he is signed, even revealing the plans for his gimmick. Andy's name will be changed to Pandakind. However, for some bizarre reason, he will be in a duck suit and speak only in Hebrew. He will be added to the AJ Styles/Karen Angle/Kurt Angle love triangle as another suitor. This will lead to the money payoff of Kurt Angle being able to use the term "DuckTard" at TNA's Bound for Slamdown PPV.