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My loyal subjects and victims: I apologize for my lengthy absence. I was the victim of a cruel prank by an enraged tard handler who is friends with a mentally challenged porn girl (I think). In late February, I got a lovely late Valentine's day gift delivered to me via FedEx. Naturally, almost everything in it was broken, but it was the thought that counted. The one thing that survived was a 2 liter bottle of Coke. Now that's what I'm talking about! They serve Coke at McDonald's! I love McDonald's! Coke is my drink! |
| So, I refrigerated my tasty Coke, looking forward to drinking it later with my cheeseburger buffet. When, I got out my 2 liter, I took a first sip. YUCK! I think this Coke went skunky in shipping! Regardless, I was trusting of the Coca-Cola people, and I didn't want to hurt the feelings of my admirer, so I drank it anyway. |
I got halfway through it when I started to become violently ill. I really could have used a Home Depot jumbo self-cleaning oven right about then, if you know what I mean. It was only then that I began to realize what was happening. I recognized that horrible taste! That wasn't Coke at all. I checked the badly damaged card attached to the package:To: Ninja AndyThis confirmed my belief! I had just ingested PEPSI! |
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| What kind of sick person would put Pee-psi in a Coke bottle? I was dealing with terrorists! I began to harness my Ch'i to prepare for a counter attack, but I was too weak, as the poison was quickly spreading through my body. Luckily, my pain was sensed by some of my loyal porn girls who were camping out on my palace lawn waiting to just get a glimpse of my 1337N355, and they used their super porn girl abilities to rush in and carry me to a proper medical facility. It is just now, nearly three months later, that I have the strength to return completely to my duties as 1337 ninja Prime Minister. |
| I will have my revenge... even if I have to send Caffeine Free Diet Pepsi Vanilla Twist Ice Cucumber Fire Boom disguised as Coke, I will have my revenge... |
| The views of Ninja Andy are not necessarily the views of anyone. Pepsi may not actually contain urine and FedEx may actually have the ability to deliver a package without it being damaged. Of course, those concepts are pretty outrageous... |
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