I think it's natural to want to be the first to do something. I've always wanted to be first at something. While I am an excellent Ninja, I'm not the best, nor have I ninjaed anything that hasn't been ninjaed before. I'm not going to set any world records for anything anytime soon. I'm too poor to get anything new, like a new car, and besides, even a new car on the lot has been driven a little bit. And, there are no virgin panda ladies around for me to take virginity from.... |
I was at the Home Depot staring at a new toilet. I looked around, with my quick ninja wit, and sized up the situation. The only person in sight was an old lady with a walker, and there was no way she could get to an employee before I was done... |
I sat down and let 'er fly! It was so liberating! I was the first, the first I tells ya, the first to leave nuggets in this turdcatcher! I looked down as I grunted out my last little bit, and then looked up to see the store manager staring at me. Then, he said to me the most heartbreaking words I think I've ever heard... "Not again, Scott, cleanup on 7." |
No, no, this couldn't be! Someone had crapped in this toilet?!?! I implored the disgusted gentleman, who, who had dumped in my sweet virgin toilet? He answered: "Some British ninja douche. He crapped in all the toilets, sinks, bath tubs, and the employee icebox." |
I headed for the exit, a broken panda... but as I walked I stopped, looked to my right and was hit with inspiration. |
The views of Ninja Andy are not necessarily the views of anyone. We don't THINK he actually crapped in an oven at Home Depot, but who knows? If he did, it was probably because they have the finest ovens around.... there, that oughta keep us clear of a lawsuit. |
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