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| I'm very afraid for today's society. I've been watching TV nonstop for a few days (always muting the TV during commercial breaks because the sound in commercials freaks me out) and now I have become very disturbed. Here are some things that really creeped even me, in my infinite 1337N355, out. |
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I have wondered about Burger King for a while. For one, they are not McDonald's... so they suck by default. They further sucked by having the creepy Burger "King" rob houses, poison food, and rape people and their horses in the commercials. That was bad enough. However, in their latest offering, they reveal that their burgers are actually made by supermidgets. Not only that, but it appears that the supermidgets are actually added to the meat at times. Who wants to eat supermidgets? The "King", that's who! He's a sick f***. He already ate the "big huckin' chicken." He even ate the chicken's dirtbike. Bastard! Chicken stole it from McDonalds' Birdie in the first place. Now Birdie will never get it back, and will not be able to attend Mayor McCheese's gala celebration. Thanks alot Burger King! I will give them one point for midget flicking though. It's not quite as cool as midget kicking (such as what Finlay does to Ken Shamrock), but it still rocks... YOU STILL OWE BIRDIE A DIRTBIKE YOU ROYAL BASTARD! |
| It appears the Starburst factory has giant barrels of acid that will immediately eat anything that falls into them... well, anything except for Starburst candy. Obviously, after it falls into the barrel and guy one sticks his arm in to get it, and comes up with his arm gone, they definitely wouldn't have continued to reach into the barrel to get it if they couldn't see the Starburst candy in the bottom of the barrel. I mean, these are highly trained Starburst factory technicians here. They wouldn't do something stupid. However, now I am afraid to eat Starburst. If this magical superacid can't destroy it, how could I possible digest it? Worse yet... how much superacid is there in each Starburst candy? I'm going to rot out from the inside!!! |
| Once again, another McDonald's competitor has shown some of their devious practices in their ad campaign. This time, they have revealed that their new burger is actually made of unicorn! They show the burger on the left and the unicorn on the right. This is terrifying for me. If they will make burgers out of extinct mythical creatures, what will stop them from making burgers out of endangered species... like Red Hills salamander... or Louisiana black bear... or Mexican long-nosed bat... or ME, the Andyville 1337 Panda! You better stay back Wendy's! I'll bust you up if you try to get me! |
| Home Depot ads never show the oven I dumped in. |
| Hooray Beer! Uh... why is that black guy in a sash? Is he in a beauty pageant or something? Is he bribing the judges with beer? What is going on with the other people? Is that beer in an iodine bottle? Is RVD driving by and causing me to get a contact buzz? I'm totally trippin'. |
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Will Ferrell is crashing into things, stabbing himself in the leg and running around in his panties. Does this make more sense with the sound on? I hate to agree with that douche Cray (I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY hate to agree with that douche Cray), but this guy has to go. Here are some things that you could do to him in further muted commercials: • Replace the supermidget meat in Burger King burgers with Will Ferrell meat, and feed him to the "King" • Convince Wendy's he is an endangered species, and thus, once again, make burgers out of him • Throw him in a barrel of Starburst superacid • Use him in place of the Home Depot oven • Have the Red Stripe guy bust his iodine bottle over Ferrell's head. Then, he can yell "Hooray Beer!" • Job him to Matt Hardy... just so Mark Henry can come out and eat him. • Have MacGyver build a rocket launcher out of 3 paperclips, 8 rubber bands, pre-chewed gum, a pint of frion, and a rocket launcher. Then he can shoot Will Ferrell with it. • Have all sorts of bad things happen to him... like crashing his car, getting stabbed, and... hmm, never mind |
| I can't watch any more of this crap! I'm going to play online instead, where things may look retarded, but at least I don't have to worry about muting ads... AAAAAH! A friggin' popup just started talking to me. I'm going to go to bed. Since you're online, you might as well keep up with my 1337N355 at some Space Belonging to Me place or something, where I am "ninja_andy". Underscores are 1337. |
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The views of Ninja Andy are not necessarily the views of anyone. Seriously, we're sorry. You can't take him anywhere. Will Ferrell sucks. |
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