| Cray: |
It all started on March 13, 1999. On that day, a new site appeared at Geocities, http://www.geocities.com/timessquare/castle/1267. It was fairly plain, with red text on a black background, simply titled "Andyville" in a centered H1 size font. The site was a single page, and basically consisted of Ninja Andy's backstory and reason the site exists. For you folks that love nostalgia, this is what Andyville v0.00.01 looked like: |
Andyville
Hello! My name is Ninja Andy. I'm a cute, adorable, psychotic panda bear. What are you doing on my homepage? Don't you have anything better to do than read my inane babble? NO!?! Man, you're sadder than me!
You may copy images from this site, but if you use them, give Dimbee Incorporated™ credit.
Why?
Why do I have a home page? That's a good question. I was just innocently cruising the web and I found out that all kinds of carnies and rejects have their own websites. I was disgusted, so I decided to make my own retarded site to retaliate. The pure stupidity of this site will close down the internet and forbid anyone from ever speaking of it again!!!
(Still have nothing better to do?)
Who are you, and were you dropped as a toddler?
It was a dark and snowy night. That fateful July morning, my momma shotted me out. I was born!!! I was in the St. Louis zoo! I was not happy about that. I *allegedly* attacked the zookeeper who was cleaning up my doodies and was kicked out of the zoo. (It still baffles me that they would let the most dangerous panda run free. How bout you?) Anyway, I moved to Illinois and was adopted by the strangest family. One is a messed up good 'ol boy. His sister thinks she's the head of an underground sewer robbing conspiracy. The father is a simple farmer. The family cat is the most beautiful creature I have ever seen :), but she hates me :(. Finally, the mother is mean. Always saying, "You've eaten too much already, go to bed Andrew!" And that my friend is the life of "Ninja" Andrew Nathaniel Panda Jr.(TM)
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| Andy: |
See, now that is a website! It has a wonderfully well done and, if I do say so myself, ultra-sexy-extreme protagonist, who also serves to a certain degree as the antagonist. Plus, look how many times it says Andy!
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| Cray: |
Seriously, you see that?
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| Andy: |
You don't?
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| Cray: |
I see a page that sets out a manifest to destroy the medium that is exists upon. Truly absurd.
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| Andy: |
Nuh uh, you're a turd!
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| Cray: |
I said ABSURD, not a turd, and I was referring to the page, not you... but now that you mention it, the page could be classified as a turd.
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| Andy: |
YOU'RE A TURD!
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| Cray: |
...moving on. Andyville stagnated in this beta version for over a month before any further content was added. Finally, on March 30, 1999, Version 0.01.00 was released, and with it the title became "Andyville- Home of Ninja Andy". Also added was Andy's "Photo Album," which mainly consisted of badly "manipulated" (the term photoshopped didn't exist then) images of Andy and the like.
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| Andy: |
That was the best feature ever!
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| Cray: |
As I recall, Andy, your photo album got less than 10 hits in its lifespan.
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| Andy: |
Best feature ever! It was so good that it was able to AVOID being hit!
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| Cray: |
On April 12, 1999, Andyville hit version 0.02.00, and with it came an actual graphical title.
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| Andy: |
That was awesome! I love pictures! I wanted nudie Panda ladies, but I settled for this.
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| Cray: |
Also, that version introduced the highly controversial "Confederate Corner" section and the first article in that section "Why2K," which was actually a tech article ridiculing the Y2k hysteria.
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| Andy: |
That was the beginning of the end, readers. That was where Andyville started to suck.
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| Cray: |
No, that was where Andyville started to get hits.
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| Andy: |
Exactly, it sucked too bad to avoid getting hit. It was ruined!
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| Cray: |
Anyway, Confederate Corner was simply a country oriented section and had no racial agenda. However, due to the propaganda fed to children in American schools, any exhibition of the battle flag of the Confederacy seems to garner a negative response from the ignorant. Once again, for nostalgia's sake, here is the top of the original Confederate Corner:
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Warning: The views expressed in Confederate Corner do not necessarily reflect the opinions of Geocities or any related company and/or advertiser on this page. It is simply a collection of opinions and things noticed by a country boy angry about city people moving to the country. It does not refer to all city people, but there are an elite few (in a very high concentration here) that give all of them a bad name, just like there are some hicks that give all of us a bad name. Even though the way I write it sounds like a generalization, it is not meant to be. Thank you for reading this long disclaimer paragraph.
I'd better leave now then
Go On To Why 2K? (Commentary)
Things I've Noticed
Lately, there has been a new and alarming trend beginning to occur. City people have begun to move to the country at an alarming rate. They think that they are coming out here to get away from it all, but they bring the city with them. All this serves to do is mess up life for the people that BELONG in the country.
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| Andy: |
I feel offended!
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| Cray: |
You're a panda. Why should you be offended?
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| Andy: |
Chinamen keep us as slaves.
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| Cray: |
You've never been to China! Besides, even if you weren't full of crap, shouldn't you be offended by the Chinese flag?
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| Andy: |
Hey! That's racist! China doesn't have a flag. There's no room because there are too many people.
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| Cray: |
Andy, just stop while you're behind.
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| Andy: |
That's what I thought, I win.
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| Cray: |
The title to the Why2k article.... nifty:
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| Cray: |
Back then I actually took the time to make graphical titles for single articles. Wow.
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| Andy: |
Boo!
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| Cray: |
Shut up. April 18, 1999 rolled around, and Andyville officially left beta with Version 1.00.00. The only real addition at this version was a page called "Geoguidemania!," which was a page full of geoguides. Amazingly, even it got more hits than Ninja Andy's photo album.
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| Andy: |
That was low, numbnuts.
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| Cray: |
May 23, 1999 came around, and Andyville got an optional framed interface with a navigation bar in the left side frame. It was ugly, and it sucked. I hate frames and have no clue why anyone ever liked them.
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| Andy: |
Did I mention I crapped in an oven at Home Depot?
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| Cray: |
... At the beginning of June, 1999, Yahoo! acquired Geocities, and changes in the TOS prompted an uproot from Andyville's original home. After a quick search for free webspace, Andyville settled at Webjump on June, 8, 1999. http://ninjaandy0.webjump.com was the new home of Andyville. It had an easily escapable ad banner, far better URL, and, at the time, was just what Andyville needed to truly expand. Of course, when Andyville moved, it left behind a few things... namely, Ninja Andy's crappy photo album.
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| Andy: |
You bastard! You said that it ran away!
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| Cray: |
Tagging along however was an equally bad clunker of a page, "Ninja Andy's Game Ratings," which debuted June 3, 1999. This would replace the photo album as the least hit page on Andyville.
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| Andy: |
Untouchable!
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| Cray: |
Yes, and it died soon after. The first real original content at the Webjump site was posted July 11, 1999, and would end up being one of Andyville's most popular features ever: "Ninja Andy's Coolchat: Lame Retard of the Day." For those that don't remember, the now defunct Coolchat used to put pictures of their members on their front page with stupid quotes beneath them, and called them the "Coolest Member of the Day." Of course, it was random, so hitting refresh gave you another member. Lame Retard was similar, except Ninja Andy made a funny comment to each of the photo/quote combinations.
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| Andy: |
Until those jerks closed.
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| Cray: |
The death of Lame Retard came when Coolchat closed, causing all the images to be dead (yeah, yeah, yeah, we were scamming their bandwidth.... everybody did it back then.)
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| Andy: |
You forgot about the autographed picture of Ninja Andy they won if they came forward as the Lame Retard of the Day.
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| Cray: |
Yeah... somehow never had any takers on that offer. I think most Lame Retards were a bit pissed, and not in the market for an autographed picture of a panda.
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| Andy: |
Losers.
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| Cray: |
On July 30, 1999, the title started moving. That's the day the spinning Andy marquees debuted.
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| Andy: |
Dude, we so need to go back to that title! There's so much Andy!!!
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| Cray: |
Confederate Corner got a similar marquee October 25, 1999, with scrolling Dixies.
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| Andy: |
That sucked... wasn't Andy enough.
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| Cray: |
It was around this time that the "Hit List" came about. It was the guestbook for Confederate Corner, but ended up being an outlet for the rage of those who hated Andyville. Soon after came the "Allis," which was the forum. It was even more chaotic. As time went on, more articles came about, and with each new article, the site got more hits, but it also got more enemies. Here are some of those articles:
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August 1, 1999
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October 25, 1999
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November 2, 1999
Welcome to:
Katie's "Slightly Molested" Workbook
Sure, this workbook used to be educational, but when I have a pen and some time to blow, it becomes slightly less educational. I love messed up history!
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November 9, 1999
Poké This!
Editorial by Ninja Andy
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November 19, 1999
Katie's Workbook: Essay Answers
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June 29, 2000
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Confederate Corner is Proud to Present
Stupid People
THE GOOD OL' BOY'S ULTIMATE BITCHFEST
If you don't know the disclaimer by now, you obviously are one of the people talked about on this page.
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January 27, 2001
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CRAZY GOOD OL' BOY'S LOOK AT
Pop Culture's Stupidifying Effect on America
(IS "STUPIDIFYING" A WORD?)
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| Cray: |
Other notable features and changes from this era were:
December 2, 1999: Pepper's Farm Corner: A Confederate Corner-esque feature that eventually spun off into its own site
February 10, 2000: A series of news updates and commentary about a local school teacher arrested for a sex crime
April 24, 2000: Commentary about the new 911 addresses in the county
August 30, 2000: "Saturn Rings" title design debuts, marking the first incorporation of dhtml into Andyville
December 28, 2000: Rusty Chevrolet Quiz (ported to current Andyville, Here)
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| Andy: |
Except for my Pokémon editorial, all of those sucked. I totally carried the site!
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| Cray: |
Yeah.... it was all about the Andy.
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| Andy: |
Damn right, bitch.
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| Cray: |
Moving on...
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| Andy: |
Yeah, that's right, move on.
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| Cray: |
One particular page that got a lot of heat was "Photos Taken Out of Context," which debuted June 5, 2000. In this particular segment, photos were chosen of random things, all local, and fake descriptions were put below them. There was a disclaimer in plain sight that read as follows:
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The people in the pictures may not actually be or have anything to do with what we say, for it is merely humor. It is all meant in good humor and nobody is forcing you to read it, so if you are easily offended, or the stick up your ass is poking you wrong today, then I suggest you click this nice safe link that'll take you away from the bad, bad material.
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| Andy: |
Seems reasonable.
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| Cray: |
This particular segment, while very popular, was the center of a large controversy, with threats of lawsuits and such. Of course, none of these threats surfaced until November of 2000, five months after it was posted. Andyville stood firm, and the only change made was a modification to the description below one picture.
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| Andy: |
Woohoo! Don't f*** with us!!!
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| Cray: |
I think that used to be our motto.
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| Andy: |
Sure as hell didn't work very well...
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| Cray: |
You're tellin' me. Around August of 2001, Webjump closed suddenly, leaving Andyville homeless. Once again, quick action was taken, and Andyville was soon moved to 8k, a freeservers site. http://ninjaandy.8k.com took a little time to garner the hits that the previous address had, but as soon as people found it, the hits soared once again. Andyville undergoes virtually no change while at 8k. The "random thought" on the front page is occasionally changed, but the main content is not touched or added to. However, in early 2002, an uprising begins against Andyville, citing things in articles written in 1999 and 2000 as if they had been written the day before. I personally had to deal with being slandered on many sites due to this uprising. Andyville's official closing was September 29, 2002. A goodbye page was posted and all content was removed. This didn't end the fight against the slander and defamation of character. I fought with one particular site for five months in 2003 over some such material before I finally got it removed.
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| Andy: |
Wah. Want me to call the waaaaaambulance? I lived happily ever after.
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| Cray: |
There's a reason you are an endangered species...
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| Andy: |
...
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| Cray: |
On May 25, 2005, after much personal debate, Andyville Version 3.00.00beta was released, under the new name "Dimbee's Andyville" and placed at http://andyville.atspace.com. It's a little older, a little wiser, and a little more mature... well, except for Andy.
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| Andy: |
Eat my bandana ya dumb 'neck.
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| Cray: |
It left beta February 24, 2006 at version 3.02.00... and that brings us pretty much to modern times. Any thoughts Andy?
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| Andy: |
I think we should change the title.
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| Cray: |
To what?
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| Andy: |
This banner I made:
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| Cray: |
That's retarded.
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| Andy: |
YOU'RE RETARDED!
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| Cray: |
Thanks for reading the History of Andyville... which on second thought shouldn't have been a roundtable. Anyway, thank you, and continue reading Andyville.
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| Andy: |
YOU'RE A ROUNDTABLE!
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