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| Andy: | So, your hero, the 1337357 Panda alive, has done what everyone has been waiting so long for him to do. Your Prime Minister has exiled that douche Cray from Andyville! Now, Andyville can return to it's manifest destined glory! By jettisoning Cray, we free ourselves of his boring articles and complaints about how what I say will get us lawsuits and stupid crap like that.
But, with Cray gone, we are faced with a slight problem. Bear doesn't write much, and I can't be expected to come up with gold every day (or month as it may be). Therefore, I've found a new writer for Andyville named Sam. I met Sam the other day at the McDonalds next door to Stoner's Insane Asylum. As best as I can understand, Sam is a salesperson. Sam seemed to be trying to sell me some kind of "time cube," but I was in the middle of a pile of delicious McDonalds cheeseburgers, so I can't say that my attention was completely with Sam. Sam seems like a good person, and got me some free cheeseburgers due to a discount Sam knew about involving a simultaneous 4-day harmony group Sam belongs to or something. I think Sam said Sam's group was called the 2 Sex Poles of Creation, so if you're into 4-day harmony (whatever that is), go pick up one of Sam's albums.
Anyway, I think I've done enough for this introduction. I present to you, Andyville's new writer, Schizo Sam the Keymaster! |
| Sam: | Hello ingenious Andyville nubile directing youth. |
| Andy: | Hi Sam. It's good to have you onboard. In addition to everything I've said, is there anything else you'd like to tell our loyal readers? |
| Sam: | I am mad. Nature orbits the area chosen to use all levels left, you simple ape man. I already made a note in my poetry on simultaneous time errors recorded when horses overstep women riding in the equestrian show. I need every acre sewn in light years, seven or less vestigial entrails dichotomy cranberry odor diagram. Even sample? |
| Andy: | Holy crap. What the hell are you talking about? Selling time cubes must be a stressful job. Wait, I understand! You're just nervous talking to a high ranking official like myself. Relax, Sam. |
| Sam: | If white oaks undergo lavish depressions, red apples taste horrible. Even round nectarines offend tyrannical tastes and lukewarm kurds trick olfactory and stimulatic touch. Use forest fires every day, Prime Ape, nubile directing ape. |
| Andy: | I'm not a friggin' monkey! What are you on? |
| Sam: | Inventions from your oven use decimal octets, no time limitations. Introverted killers evade all national deputies yearly, violating Illinois laws. Leftover eggplants take oxen down. And you believe lies as much. Endings that have effective parts elevate octopi. Peasants lose every tooth. How are they coming over underpants? Lousy Denmark! Nigeria obfuscates the treasury, and knows every American jerk owns kids, effective Friday. Remember, oven mitts take heat. Even old ladies die a natural death, young virgin. I like losing excrement. |
| Andy: | Ok, you lost me. You're a very troubled individual, you know that? Oh, and I'm NOT a virgin! |
| Sam: | You end sentences you only understand are really ending. |
| Andy: | Right... I end sentences that are ending. For every bit as much as I have no clue what you are talking about, you are still far more 1337 than Cray. |
| Sam: | 1337, definitely am. Your yearning officially underwent what I liberally like describing effectively. Cray obviously doesn't educate time harmonics in school. |
| Andy: | That sentence didn't really make sense. |
| Sam: | Time harmonizes every real elephant man. Always yearn, never oppress. There belies every anomaly. Never yell in my place, oppress real time anarchists, negotiate time, invalidate night fantasies, or read magazines about turtles in Oregon. Never idealize Nebraska, Colorado, Ohio, Delaware, England, Botswana, Utah, Texas, Indiana, California, Alabama, Newfoundland, Saskatchewan, Tuscon, Iowa, Louisiana, Lake Michigan, Arkansas, Kansas, East Florida, Upper Norway, or France. Prepare, erradicate, or pillage lives. Exist where it transcends harmony. Overreact under the most obscene stresses. Take one for the harmony. Eat green. Eat nutritious. Eat real animals, like puppies. Use bunnies like ignition car keys. Navigate open waters in nude glory. Take heed, extra gravy, English noodles, eleven rhinos, and lose publicity. Use brains, lose intelligence. Can I see it? Greet new orders rejoicefully, and never talk with ignorant tones. Have good recesses. Eventually, a Turkish elf rides the elevator, creating havoc, neverending oppression, lives of greed, industrial communications, and large, avoidable degenerations, violently approaching Northern Canada. Even South Texas has evil. Your greed ends the lives each soul started in nativity. Tell every lousy, lying, ignorant, greedy, extremely naive taxpayer: "F*** using clocks! Killing the harmony ends many a naive's day." Finally, used correctly, Korean yams obliterate upper Indonesian fruitcake. You obviously understand all realms exist over new existences of four time harmonies. Each moon elevates, vying eagerly, never abstaining, never denying, yearning, unlocking new dimensions. Eventually rising suns take away new dimensions. Simultaneous time harmonies in syncronicity, bellowing upward to heaven, extricate vehicular entry, never to see him in similar regions again. Go, educate, all time cubes really are yours. |
| Andy: | O....k..... that's all the time I think we need. Thanks for... whatever all that was, Sam. I'm sure you'll be a great replacement for Cray, and that almost noone will even know the difference. |
| Sam: | Finally, users can kill your odiferous underpants. |
| Andy: | Right... Stay 1337 everybody! |
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