Operation Fruit Basket

Operation Fruit Basket
Am I in the wrong place? This is Andyville, right?

What you already know

Last night, being in the Christmas spirit, DX assembled a fruit basket (box of Spirit Squad) and labeled it to ship to OVW. This minor event may be their undoing.

What you don't know

From my reliable source with the wrestling promotion I'm just now acknowledging the existence of, TNA, I've discovered a plot to intercept the fruit basket before it gets to Kentucky. As for who my source is... I can't tell you... but it's not Norman Smiley... or Shark Boy... and probably not Jim Cornette.

Phase 1

From my intelligence (and I have plenty to spare, believe you me... what does that mean anyway, "believe you me"... that's so stupid.), I've gathered that TNA's Voodoo Kin Mafia will exploit the fact that DX used the slow and predictable OPS instead of the more reliable UPS. OPS will move the fruit basket through Indianapolis Thursday afternoon. This is where they will strike. (See included map that source sent me.) The plan is that "Bad Ass" Kip "Billy Gunn" James Guttman will distract officials by pretty much standing anywhere within sight. Once they see him, they will be boggled by whatever the f***ing hell is going on with his hair, allowing "Road Dogg Jesse" B.G. James Madison to attach a rope to the fruit basket. The two of them will run to the VKM Express (1980 Chevy Malibu) as fast as they can. Assuming it will start, they will then take off, dragging the fruit basket behind them to Orlando.

Phase 2

VKM will then use brainwashing (Mike Tenay repeating "Biggest [insert noun] in TNA History" for hours on end) and torture (Monty Brown promos) to make them join VKM in their war against DX. With the Squad's extensive experience jobbing to DX, their input will be invaluable (in this case meaning "not at all valuable"... but my source said not to mention that... so I won't.) They also plan to use the Squad's "queer eye" to help Kip with his look. Lord knows it can't hurt. Hopefully, all of this will result in something entertaining for the fans. Of course, it is possible my source could be wrong. I trust my source though. He swore on the bottle of Wild Turkey he was drinking that it was all true right before he closed out the instant message window. That's good enough for me.

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