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| Cray thinks he's so 1337 because he writes his little stupid wrestling articles. It's common knowledge that not only does it not take a rocket scientist to write about wrestling, but that the general population of people that watch wrestling couldn't spell "scientist"... or "rocket"... or "a". That is, except for yours truly, the u17r41337 Ninja Andy. I watch it every now and again, and have decided to trump Cray at his own game, and we're not talking about that Hunter Hurricane Helms guy either. |
| I'm worried about this new ECW thing that WWE is starting. First, I have no clue what ECW is, but I assume WWE finally bought out ACW and changed the name (whenever they change the name of something, they always change a letter to E). Thus, I looked forward to seeing Good Ol' Boy Michaels, Chester Arthur XIV, The Real Deal, Raud, and Ed the Bunnyman on a national stage... but it looks like they didn't even get those guys. They have a guy named Sandman, and this is why I'm worried. If he's under a WWE contract he can't do indy stuff anymore, so who's gonna put my ass to sleep.... wait, Smackdown is still on, right? Never mind. |
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When are they bringing Nitro back, anyway? They could have Goldberg pin Matt Hardy 173 consecutive times! It would be better than seeing Jigsaw Dave Juggan (yelling "Prostitute!") and Bushwacker Bischoff as a tag team against Samoa James and his evil thumb that was just apparently up his butt or something. David Arquette is still prime for a World Title run, and if there was any place for his "sister" Alexis, it would be the freakshow known as Nitro. They could bring back Thunder too, but it would simply be about Matt Hardy jobbing. There would be clips from his defeat by Goldberg the previous Monday, and then they could job him out to lesser wrestlers, such as: • Rotunda • Every member of every color of nWo • All surviving members of LwO • All dead members of LwO • Dusty Rhodes • The ghost of Ted Turner • Mini Abismo Negro • Octagon (or as I call him, "Skinny, less talented, red instead of black belted Ninja Andy") • Steph • The fat guy in row six • Lita • Shark Boy • Lava Girl and, of course • Me (even though I'm not really a lesser wrestler) |
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I don't understand why Vince McMahon claims he is God. I thought JBL was the wrestling God. I always figured the devil to be... well, Doink. His little demons were: • Dink • Pink (before she got a record deal) • Fink (didn't they eventually give him an announcing job?) • Kink • Blink (who went on to musical fame without most of their 182 bandmates) • Mink • Twink • Link (who got his own NES game for it) • Sink • Wink • Zinc and • Chink Oh, the classics they had, with JBL and his "Cabinet" (Glen Jacobs in a wooden suit) taking on the Army Of Lucifer (AOL). In the end, good would always prevail, and the crowd would erupt in a chorus of "AOL Sucks, AOL Sucks!". Of course, all of that ended when one of the demons lit Glen's wooden suit on fire, and burnt him in the process, causing him to put on a red suit and mask to cover the burns. Years later, he came back... he came back as VADER! Then, shortly after, he traded gimmicks with fellow masked wrestler Leon Redbone, and became Kane. Nobody knew the difference. When I'm at an event, and I chant "AOL Sucks", the crowd gets behind me and a chant starts. However, when I start a "Where's the wood, Kane?" chant, it generally only gets me looked at funny. Ah, how soon we forget. |
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This is what has been missing for years, and what will put Smackdown back on the map. If you'll notice, the most prominent thing mentioned about Smackdown on the ECW vs WWE show was Fit Finlay's leprechaun. We also learned that Tazz is also a leprechaun, and he has the magic power to make the Burger King break into incoherent rambling. This ability has only previously been shown by: • Jim Ross • Coach • Vince McMahon • Andy Kaufman • Al Snow • Paul Heyman • Michael Cole and • Luna Vachon Bravo, Tazz. Perhaps now you can eat that rabbit. Back to Finlay though... he doesn't like his leprechaun, so he kicks it. Kicking midgets rocks! He also throws it at people and tried to feed it to Mark Henry. The leprechaun actually got a returning Randy Orton kicked off of Smackdown. Finlay had told him that the Leprechaun was actually Vito's dufflebag, and seeing as Vito is the newest Diva... figure it out. |
| I must have missed when Henry Hyde Higgins got the new nickname DX. I really don't understand it either. Doesn't he have enough nicknames? People keep chanting it at him though, so I guess I just have to live with it. Maybe DX is the name of Helen Hutchins Huffington's sledgehammer... or his nifty backwards cap. Well, whatever's going on, I can tell you one thing: Hyun Hitachi Hoh seems to be the main focus of RAW right now... well, other than Vincent Closetcase McMahon. Come on, he waxed his butt to attract men. It looks like the WWE Chairman has opened up a delivery door to the fudge factory. Go get him Viscera! |
| WTF is TNA? Why do people keep talking about it? I think it's some kind of inside joke or something. If Foley ever gets involved, maybe I'll care. |
| Dude, are you still alive? |
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These are the guys I think are the best right now. If you don't agree with me, you're wrong. 10) "Gimpy" Zach Gowen, king of lame. 9) Monty "I think I'm a big kitty" Brown 8) Norman "Big Wiggle" Smiley (He's like Viscera, only less hot dogs) 7) DX the Sledgehammer 6) The late Kadillac Kasey James 5) Special Ed 4) Big Bully Douglas 3) Mordecai 2) Fit Finlay's Leprechaun (I'll call him Ken Shamrock) 1) Former PHW Tag Team Champion Ninja Andy with honorable mention to indy wrestler Joey Styles and, of course, MacGyver. Well, that's it for today. Go cry in your hole, Cray. You got served! |
| The views of Ninja Andy are not necessarily the views of anyone. He doesn't know any better... or he doesn't care, one of the two. We'll get back to you on that. The accuracy of the information contained in this article is not guaranteed, and one should not base derivative works on articles written by Ninja Andy. |
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