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| Sunday, May 28, 2006 |
| "Porn Girls Love Me!" |
| Category: MySpace |
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Porn girls love me. It's an undeniable fact. I'm a wicked awesome Ninja, so I guess I can't blame them. It seems I can't be on MySpace for more than 10 minutes without 3 porn girls trying to add me as friends. You know the type. They are the ones that have profiles that are so 1337 that when you try to view them, they redirect you to their porn site, which, at least in the case of all the porn girls that like me, is the same site. I'm sure there was a Ninja Andy promotional pic left around the studio, and they all wanted a piece. It happens. So, anyway, thanks for the interest porn ladies, but I'm a little freaked out by your BOTox injected bodies. However, you could always join the club Single Pandas And Mothers. They may have more sexy pandas like myself, and some of them may like BOTox recipients. I have to warn you though. You have to watch pandas. Sometimes they leave very thinly veiled messages in their speech. Just warning you. In other news, how about my totally 1337 MySpace layout? Isn't it pretty? I did it myself, unlike the Andyville layout, which was done by some other douche. Andyville still 0wn5 though, so go there and read my writing. I like Home Depot. That's all, I'm out. Ninja Andy |
| Wednesday, May 31, 2006 |
| "My Girl Anita" |
| Category: MySpace |
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So I got a message today from one of my porn girls, Anita. She was the first one to work up the courage to talk to the 1337357 panda on MySpace. I don't remember what she said. I generally don't listen when women talk. I just watch their lips move and imagine what else they can do with their lips. Perhaps they could whistle my entrance theme music, or make me a burger... well not with their lips... well, maybe... The same is true of things they type... except for the cool lip motion. I just think of cool things about the font being used... which was a black Arial in this case... hmm. Anita was a hot porn girl though, so it's ok. So, I messaged her back, even said she could see the peepster if she wanted (it's black), but I got no response. Seriously, I got no response! Can you believe that? NO RESPONSE. I was stunned. There could only be one explanation. There can only be one conclusion that can be reached... The other porn girls killed poor Anita when they found out she was talking to the 1337 Ninja Andy. Ladies, ladies, ladies! You didn't need to kill her! Next time, just message me yourselves, and we all can talk happily... unless other porn girls get jealous and kill you, then you're screwed. Ninja Andy |
| Saturday, June 17, 2006 |
| "Hey, they're back!" |
| Current mood: Stealthy |
| Category: MySpace |
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It's been a while since I've heard from any of my porn girls. I understand. I'm sure they were just all busy making the funeral preparations for Anita after her grizzly murder (as opposed to a panda murder, which is a completely different thing). So, I figured I'd heard the last of all my girlies, seeing as they killed Anita because they were all jealous of her because she messaged me first, which is understandable. What lady wouldn't kill for the 8" Prime Minister? I figured that after that trauma, it would be uncomfortable to deal with me, the object of their obsessions. Today, suddenly, I get a friend request from a porn girl! Awesome! Her name wasn't shown (I guess she is shy), but she put a bunch of links up for free ringtones from Kaila, so I guess her name is Kaila. Can't get anything past me, Kaila, remember that. Anywho, she had directions at the top of the links saying I should click the links, and put in my phone number. That's when I figured it out... her whole profile was just a ploy to get Ninja Andy's phone number! Kaila, Kaila, Kaila! Honey, all you had to do was ask! You didn't have to try to trick me, baby. She was also saying if I needed some kind of "job", saying she would "hook me up". I got ya baby ;). You wants the peepster. That's cool. However, sadly, I can't be your friend for two reasons. 1) Your friend Ivan creeped me out, saying " id put a fat one deep in her butt" 2) The other porn girls will kill you, just like they did poor Anita. Trust me baby... for your own safety... run away! Ninja Andy |
| Saturday, July 01, 2006 |
| "The Monica Twins!" |
| Category: MySpace |
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OK, so by now you've realized the power of the raw animal (panda to be exact) magnetism I have on porn girls. It led to some broken hearts, some confusion, and a death, but overall, it is harmless fun. Take for example two new porn girls that seem to be smitten with your favorite master of Ninja 1337N355. One is named Monica. She's 23 and she is from Phoenix. Now, she's kinda far away to ride the Peepster express, but her twin sister who is 4 years younger than her, Monica Love (you know, like Jennifer Love Hewitt... mmm, I'd plant some sausage in that biscuit), is in Chicago, which is just upstate! Sweet! However, there is bad news about Monica Love... I think she's retarded. Well, maybe she's not retarded. She might just be schizo or something. I think the extra 4 years in the womb cooked the circuitry if you know what I mean. I'll show you what I mean. When asked what her general interests were, she said: "hmmm what do i like to do in my spare time. Well i $$7$$ and i $$8$$. Hmmm not sure what else. Oh i guess i like $$9$$ as well." As if that wasn't enough, in her music section she put: "Here are 3 of the artist i like that i thought of first. Not saying they are my favorites but i enjoy there sound. $$10$$ $$11$$ $$12$$" For movies: "Well i like tons but here are a few $$13$$ $$14$$ $$15$$" For TV: "One of the best is $$4$$" Do I really need to go into what is wrong with her? Yep, you guessed it. Her punctuation is awful! Oh, and how about "Here are 3 of the artist"? DUH! Artist should be plural, stupid! Plus, her taste is awful! $$13$$ sucked! Oh, and she's really a malfuntioning mad libs robot..... that's bad too. So, it looks like I'm just going to have to let little Monica Love Hewbot go. I just hope she doesn't $$18$$ herself by sticking a $$19$$ in her $$20$$ while being $$21$$ by a $$22$$ $$23$$ in heat. As for Monica in Phoenix, it looks like it's your lucky day. Get yourself all prettied up, put on your finest clothes and you best perfume, and wait out front. I'm sure the mailman will bring you a credit card offer or a free sample of soap or something this week. 1337M3i573R Ninja Andy |
| The views of Ninja Andy are not necessarily the views of anyone. Some say there is insight within his rants... mostly Andy is the one who says that. |
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