|
2
0
0
6 |
"So, maybe I had tinkled in Douchey's saki after my ass whippin' pay cut. Maybe I left other fluids in Skanky's saki.... they didn't know! Trust me, I know they didn't know! They deserved it anyway! Next time, arsenic....."
|
| Cray: | Somehow, I felt that this whole article was one big inside joke or something. Regardless, judging from this quote, you're a very angry young panda. |
| Bear: | I've never tried saki, and now I never will. |
| Andy: | Don't get on my bad side, crackers. This quote was a beautiful self-realization. |
| Cray: | Or, an insane rant... |
| Andy: | NEXT QUOTE! |
2
0
0
6 |
"I was the first, the first I tells ya, the first to leave nuggets in this turdcatcher!"
|
| Cray: | What a wonderful declaration. A Broadway musical should be written around this line alone. |
| Bear: | ... |
| Andy: | Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick. Money! |
2
0
0
6 |
"I'm sure nobody has crapped in that oven before!"
|
| Cray: | Safe bet... |
| Bear: | Only you would be the first to crap in that oven. |
| Andy: | You see, that's the pioneering spirit. You wouldn't know anything about that. Just because you people are conformity Nazis who use a "proper receptacle," that makes me some kind of sick outcast. |
| Cray: | No, the fact that you defecated in an appliance that later cooked a suburban family's Thanksgiving turkey makes you a sick outcast. |
| Andy: | You're just jealous. |
2
0
0
6 |
"Either way, it would sure be nice if Eddie could come back and haunt the people who wrote this slop."
|
| Andy: | You sick bastard. |
| Cray: | What? |
| Andy: | YOU SICK BASTARD! |
| Cray: | Ok... maybe it was slightly in bad taste, but what it was ridiculing was in far worse taste. |
| Andy: | How do you sleep at night? |
| Bear: | He's got me by his side, so I think he's doing just fine. |
| Andy: | Why don't you try sleeping with a non-sick bastard? There's always room in the Prime Minister's palace... don't speak my darling, I'll see you tonight. |
2
0
0
6 |
"Anyway, I just brushed this group aside as a small group of Christian haters who were just booing like crazy at his existence, or a group of mentally deficient chuckleheads who think it's hilarious to boo as loud as they can at random, and I just let it go."
|
| Cray: | I love the term chucklehead, I really do! |
| Andy: | YOU SICK BASTARD! |
| Cray: | Enough of that joke already! |
| Bear: | I'll never set foot in your stupid ass palace, Andy |
| Andy: | Fine, sleep in the iMPACT Zone with all the tards. |
2
0
0
6 |
"That's Charger. He's a dog. He doesn't write here."
|
| Andy: | Why are you such a jerk to your fans? |
| Cray: | This coming from the one who called one of his fans a turd, and another lame_internet_dork? |
| Andy: | I call 'em as I see 'em, douche. |
| Bear: | Andy, if you don't be good, I'll feed you to Charger. |
| Andy: | Death threat! |
2
0
0
6 |
"Best feature ever! It was so good that it was able to AVOID being hit!"
|
| Cray: | This is of course in reference to your infamous photo album. I would characterize your logic as idiotic. |
| Andy: | Why are you such a jerk to your coworkers? |
| Cray: | This coming from the one who calls one of his coworkers douche constantly? |
| Bear: | This coming from one who hits on his coworker constantly? |
| Andy: | Douche, Hot Douchette... you suck. |
2
0
0
6 |
"Hey! That's racist! China doesn't have a flag. There's no room because there are too many people."
|
| Cray: | Why would you even say such a thing? |
| Andy: | Because it's true. |
| Cray: | No, it's not. What do you have against the Chinese? |
| Andy: | How dare you! I am Chinese. I just don't like Chinamen. |
| Cray: | Why is that, exactly? |
| Bear: | I think it has something to do with them eating his kitty or something. |
| Andy: | That is NOT funny! It was very traumatic! |
2
0
0
6 |
"Did I mention I crapped in an oven at Home Depot?"
|
| Cray: | And, or course, the answer to this question is "Constantly." |
| Bear: | You never let us forget about it! |
| Andy: | Because it's true. |
| Cray: | Really? That whole article wasn't a work? |
| Andy: | How dare you! I am Chinese. I just don't like Chinamen. |
| Cray: | Are you copying and pasting your previous responses? |
| Andy: | That is NOT funny! It was very traumatic! |
| Cray: | Dammit Andy, quit that crap. |
| Andy: | Did I mention I crapped in an oven at Home Depot? |
2
0
0
6 |
"Wah. Want me to call the waaaaaambulance? I lived happily ever after."
|
| Cray: | There's some brilliance right there, eh Andy? |
| Andy: | Yes, actually. |
| Bear: | That saying was dead even before you were born, Andy! |
| Andy: | Because it's true. |
| Cray: | Not this again! |
| Andy: | How dare you! I am Chinese. I just don't like Chinamen. |
| Cray: | That is NOT funny! It was very traumatic! |
| Andy: | That is NOT funny! It was very traumatic! |
| Bear: | Did I mention I crapped in an oven at Home Depot? |
| Andy: | That's sick, Bear. |
2
0
0
6 |
"YOU'RE A ROUNDTABLE!"
|
| Cray: | It's like arguing with a special olympian. |
| Andy: | Yes, actually. With lines like that, it makes my competition look like morons. |
| Bear: | The only moron I see around here is you, Andy |
| Andy: | YOU'RE A ROUNDTABLE! |
2
0
0
6 |
"I'd probably still watch RAW if it was Doink the Clown and 43 midgets"
|
| Andy: | Have you been reading spoilers? |
| Bear: | Gotta love the Bret Hart midget! |
| Andy: | YOU'RE A ROUNDTABLE! |
2
0
0
6 |
"you had Benji, Flair, and RVD in the ring at the same time cutting a promo. Flair was completely over the top, and hard to understand, Benji couldn't order a Big Mac at the drive-thru convincingly, and RVD, well, he doesn't do well with scripted material. Have you ever watched children with speech impetiments get into an argument with each other?"
|
| Andy: | Yes I have. I laughed and laughed. Then I kicked one, and ran away. Gotta love the Bret Hart midget! |
| Bear: | Stop stealing my material, Andy! |
| Andy: | Stop toying with my heart, my love! |
| Cray: | Oh, my turn? Uh... you're a roundtable maybe? |
| Bear: | All things are possible. |
| Andy: | I want a Big Mac. Wait, Big Mac... that's a McBurger! Cray was stealing MY material! You dirty bastard! |
2
0
0
6 |
"Now, I've come to the conclusion: Andyville sucks!"
|
| Cray: | That statement speaks for itself, really. |
| Andy: | If I said it, it's true. |
2
0
0
6 |
"Welcome to the 2nd grade class that I stole the source HTML from!!!! It is nice to have you visit my sucky webpage. Thanks for coming, now look at my scary family!! I think my cat is very cute! We're getting married next tuesday. That's all, have fun 'surfing the net'. I put it in quotes because it is early 1999 and we're lame like that before the emergence of a good Andyville."
|
| Andy: | That wasn't me! That was a poser Andyville webmaster! |
| Cray: | It was in your article, so it is attributed to you. |
| Andy: | Fine, then I'm going to blame you for all the illiterate ramblings of the letters in you reader mail articles. |
| Bear: | Him, illiterate? Who's the one that says 1337 24/7? |
| Andy: | 7H3 1337357 /\/ | /\/ _/ 4 0f 411 7 | /\/\ 3 |
| Cray: | Did you just sit on your keyboard? |
| Bear: | No, it was his kitty... oh wait, nevermind. lol |
| Andy: | That was low |
| Cray: | Wah. Want me to call the waaaaaambulance? I lived happily ever after. |
| Bear: | But his kitty didn't! |
| Andy: | HEY! |
| Cray: | Pass the sweet and sour sauce. |
| Bear: | Next quote! |
2
0
0
6 |
"I'm Cray, and I think I know more than Ninja Andy about wrestling! I like computers. I'm a dork. Blah blah blah! I have a stupid hat not even close to as cool as Ninja Andy's 1337 bandana. Yeeeehaw, I'm a dumb hick! I always tell Andy not to write too many inflammatory things on the site because it will get us in trouble again. I'm pretentious and use fancy college words like pretentious. Blah blah blah! Andy is waaaaaaay smarter than me! Blah blah blah!!!! I'm going to go drive my orange truck that I think is soooo cool. Look at me, I know HTML, JavaScript, and PHP, but Ninja Andy is still far superior to me in every possible way. All hail our Prime Minister!"
|
| Cray: | And, despite this ridiculous quote, I still find Andyville Sucks to be one of the funniest articles in the history of Andyville. |
| Andy: | That's right, bitch. |
| Bear: | Blah blah blah! That is some funny s***! |
2
0
0
6 |
"HELP, MY TURD FROM THE OVEN AT HOME DEPOT HAS COME TO LIFE AND LEARNED TO USE EMAIL, ALTHOUGH IT STILL HASN'T MASTERED LITERACY!"
|
| Cray: | You're so nice to your fans, Andy. |
| Andy: | He called me stupid, lame and a bitch first... I think. It was hard to tell because he was an illiterate toiler tater. |
| Bear: | Wow, I didn't think anything intelligent could come out of you... and I was right, HA! |
2
0
0
6 |
"YOU'RE A ROUNDTABLE!"
|
| Cray: | There you go! |
| Andy: | What is that supposed to mean? |
| Bear: | The retardedness has struck again. |
2
0
0
6 |
"U.S. Acres sucked... why couldn't there just be more Garfield and less of that crap. Stupid U.S. Acres with its stupid Wade Keller, Orson Wells, Sheldon Benjamin, Rooster Cogburn, and that little chicken Booker T"
|
| Cray: | Great point that wandered into the wilderness and got lost. |
| Andy: | What is that supposed to mean? |
| Bear: | Andy got lost a long time ago. |
| Andy: | But I know where you sleep! |
| Bear: | Only because you stare at me at night you creepy stalker! |
| Andy: | Stupid U.S. Acres |
2
0
0
6 |
"I don't care what you do with your 40 oz bottle of Vaselube"
|
| Cray: | Seconded. |
| Bear: | Thirded. |
| Andy: | Stupid U.S. Acres |
2
0
0
6 |
"We had a One Night Stand last year, so shouldn't this be the second night stand, or is ECW now our f*** buddy?"
|
| Andy: | That's how I roll. |
| Cray: | F*** buddy. Good stuff. |
| Bear: | You just wish you could have a one night stand, let alone two. |
| Andy: | What part of "That's how I roll" did you not understand? |
2
0
0
6 |
"10000 people can chant "You suck", "Shave your back", or "Edge Speared Lita" in unison, but these guys can't deliver a 30 second scripted cheer in unison?"
|
| Andy: | But they make a nifty fruit basket! |
| Cray: | So says Norman Smiley, right? |
| Andy: | NOT Norman Smiley! |
| Bear: | Andy is a fan of the big wiggle! |
| Andy: | You like my big wiggle! 8"/More to love! |
| Bear: | What do you say to that? |
| Andy: | Please. |
2
0
0
6 |
"JBL and his 'Cabinet' (Glen Jacobs in a wooden suit) taking on the Army Of Lucifer (AOL). In the end, good would always prevail, and the crowd would erupt in a chorus of 'AOL Sucks, AOL Sucks!'. Of course, all of that ended when one of the demons lit Glen's wooden suit on fire, and burnt him in the process, causing him to put on a red suit and mask to cover the burns. Years later, he came back... he came back as VADER! Then, shortly after, he traded gimmicks with fellow masked wrestler Leon Redbone, and became Kane."
|
| Cray: | The sad thing is, judging by their previous usage of Glen, it can't be ruled out that WWE hadn't put that whole concept on the table at one point. |
| Andy: | What do you mean? They did that! |
| Bear: | What is in those cheeseburgers? |
| Andy: | Cheese... and burgers |
2
0
0
6 |
"Kicking midgets rocks! He also throws it at people and tried to feed it to Mark Henry."
|
| Cray: | More Norman Smiley intelligence? |
| Bear: | Poor little bastard. Watch it, he bites! |
| Andy: | Stop calling Ken Shamrock names! |
2
0
0
6 |
"Vincent Closetcase McMahon. Come on, he waxed his butt to attract men. It looks like the WWE Chairman has opened up a delivery door to the fudge factory."
|
| Cray: | Classic. |
| Bear: | Ha ha! You can tell he tans! |
| Andy: | I stand by my quote... a few feet away though. |
2
0
0
6 |
"WTF is TNA? Why do people keep talking about it? I think it's some kind of inside joke or something."
|
| Cray: | This could also be a quote from most casual fans. |
| Andy: | I get the joke now! It's even more hilarious than I thought! |
2
0
0
6 |
"I generally don't listen when women talk. I just watch their lips move and imagine what else they can do with their lips. Perhaps they could whistle my entrance theme music, or make me a burger... well not with their lips... well, maybe... The same is true of things they type... except for the cool lip motion. I just think of cool things about the font being used... which was a black Arial in this case... hmm."
|
| Cray: | Nice approach. |
| Andy: | Thank you! |
| Cray: | Sarcasm. |
| Andy: | Thank you! |
2
0
0
6 |
"What lady wouldn't kill for the 8" Prime Minister?"
|
| Bear: | ME! Oh, and all the others. |
2
0
0
6 |
"they reveal that their burgers are actually made by supermidgets"
|
| Cray: | Supermidgets? |
| Andy: | What else would you call them? |
| Cray: | Seasoning? |
2
0
0
6 |
"they have revealed that their new burger is actually made of unicorn!"
|
| Cray: | What is it with you and fast food? |
2
0
0
6 |
"F*** you Verizon, and the bloody, plague-ridden black horse that you rode in on. F*** your lack of service. F*** your monopoly over us. F*** your cell network with dead zones that cover half of some counties around here. F*** your stupid logo and your Jared Fogel looking fruitcake 'can you hear me now?' guy. Most of all, f*** your bulls*** slogan. Of course you mother f***ers never stop working for me. You never f***ing started!"
|
2
0
0
6 |
"Furthermore, as he does his fruity high notes, he holds his arm out to the side like a damn pop diva. At first it was hilarious. Seriously, a guy that acts like Mariah in his stage show.... HILARIOUS! Then, I realized he wasn't trying to be hilarious... and it stopped being hilarious, and started being sad."
|
| Andy: | I still say Usher is a bigger bitch! |
2
0
0
6 |
"As far as I'm concerned Gracin owes me the price of admission, $60 for the gas to drive up there and back, and $40 for the brain damage (and I'm sure future seizures) that his awful music caused. That's $100 with, lets say a 20% APR accrued weekly. Pay up, bitch boy."
|
| Cray: | And, he has yet to pay a dime. |
| Andy: | When do I get paid? |
2
0
0
6 |
"Will Ferrell,
First, PUT YOUR DAMN PANTS ON!"
|
| Andy: | Seconded! |
| Bear: | Thirded! |
| Andy: | Fourthed! |
2
0
0
6 |
"Verizon: Almost as good as a cup & string"
|
| Andy: | Boo! An Experience article! |
2
0
0
6 |
"There's Latin Lover, Intocable, Alan Stone, and the godawful mishmash of 70 gimmicks that suck: Elegido."
|
| Andy: | What the hell are you talking about? |
2
0
0
6 |
"can u tell me how girls play sex together can u tell me i m confused"
|
| Bear: | LMAO! |
| Cray: | Idiots are hilarious! |
| Andy: | My turd is typing again! |
2
0
0
6 |
"Go find a 2x4 and whack yourself in the head"
|
| Bear: | And then he left! |
| Cray: | He probably went to find the damn 2x4! |
| Andy: | You should have told him to hit himself with something bigger. |
2
0
0
6 |
"Is Creative retarded, or do they just think everyone else is?"
|
2
0
0
6 |
"It's even kind of cool when they talk naughty while jumbling words together into sometimes incoherent assemblies... as long as they are partially naked with other women doing the same thing."
|
| Cray: | Some standards you've got there... |
2
0
0
6 |
"I'm going to be so sad when all the girls get suspended because of the wellness policy. They seemed to have some kind of contagious skin condition that made their boobies and hoo holes look all smeared."
|
| Cray: | "Hoo holes!" That's great! |
2
0
0
6 |
"How any fifth grade graduate could produce some of this garbage without being under the influence of a powerful hallucinogen or having a seizure that causes them to bang their head on the keyboard repeatedly is beyond me."
|
| Andy: | Dammit, no more Experience articles! |
2
0
0
6 |
"I was young (last summer). I needed money (I guess). I didn't know the camera was running (I just assumed it was because I pressed record)."
|
| Andy: | But since it's out, where's my money? |
2
0
0
6 |
"HP pats you on the head, and wipes the drool from your chin."
|
| Andy: | That sure was nice of them. |
2
0
0
6 |
"The plan is that 'Bad Ass' Kip 'Billy Gunn' James Guttman will distract officials by pretty much standing anywhere within sight. Once they see him, they will be boggled by whatever the f***ing hell is going on with his hair, allowing 'Road Dogg Jesse' B.G. James Madison to attach a rope to the fruit basket."
|
| Cray: | I'm tellin' ya, your source is Smiley! |
| Andy: | NO! It is NOT! |
2
0
0
6 |
'"Bobby Lashley is yawn inducing. He's like Monty Brown without the crazy "I'm a big cat on crack" personality... or any personality for that matter.'"
|
| Andy: | Because nobody is better than the "Big Kitty" Monty Brown! |
| Bear: | We're talking about kitties again? Feel like Chinese, Andy? |
2
0
0
6 |
"So, thank you to Saddam Hussein, 2006's most popular 'swinger'"
|
| Andy: | That is just wrong for so many reasons. This article is OVER! |
|
