Andyville Roundtable | |
Topic: Wrestling | |
11/6/2005 | |
| Cray: | Thanks for joining me here today you two, today our roundtable... errr, triangular table is going to be based on wrestling. Participating are myself, and my esteemed colleagues Bear and Ninja Andy. |
| Andy: | am I getting paid for this? |
| Cray: | no, Andy, none of us ever get paid for anything |
| Bear: | True |
| Andy: | then I'm going to half-ass it |
| Cray: | Well, speaking of half-ass, we'll start with WWE. Back on USA, where there's slightly less censorship. Bully? |
| Andy: | Big Bully Douglas? I must have missed him on RAW. Was he behind Viscera? |
| Bear: | I think it's getting a little better since the move but not much. |
| Bear: | No I think he was behind Vader |
| Cray: | I'm with Bear. The overall product isn't really improving, and it's actually pretty sad, considering how much they're throwing at it. |
| Cray: | Ohh, we'll get to Vader, don't you worry. I mean, every week, they trot out "legend" after "legend" (in WWE speak, “legend” means they used to wrestle for WWE.) |
| Cray: | When they trotted out Doink... well, that was too far. |
| Andy: | I like Doink. |
| Andy: | He's funny but he never had to hump any other men to be funny. |
| Bear: | I have to agree it was a little too far, But I must say it was kinda cool seeing as I've never seen Doink before. |
| Cray: | But in never seeing him before, and only seeing him out there that night in that lackluster performance with Rob "Some Kind of Gay Biker Gimmick" Conway, doesn't that make you question his "legend" status? |
| Bear: | A little bit...but at least we know he's still alive. |
| Andy: | I mean, for Viscera to get over, he had to simulate butt sex, just like when Heidenreich raped Michael Cole… and then there was Rico, and Rob Conway, and Chuck and Billy… wow, WWE is gay. |
| Cray: | Always good to know Doink is still kickin’. |
| Bear: | I wondered how long it would take you to say the word "sex" |
| Andy: | clock it |
| Cray: | It just seems they are trying increasingly too hard to regain the Monday Night War era popularity, but yet, they drag back in a bunch of guys from the "wrestlecrap" era, assuming the marks won't know the difference. |
| Andy: | I miss Nitro |
| Andy: | and Thunder |
| Andy: | and MacGyver |
| Bear: | *rolls eyes at Andy* |
| Cray: | Speaking of wrestlecrap, Goldy is back. Who saw that one coming? |
| Bear: | Not me... but you never know with the WWE! |
| Andy: | Durrr, big Dusty is back, so, little Dustin is too. No brainer! |
| Bear: | Smart Ass |
| Cray: | But, the big question, who was prepared for Vader time? |
| Bear: | Uh I would have to say...no one!! |
| Andy: | I've been waiting for Vader time for years. I just wish he would have brought his son Frankie with him... ohh, and Topanga, I'd like a piece of that McMuffin! |
| Bear: | Andy you’re such a perv! |
| Cray: | Of any theme song that could have played, I think Ultimate Warrior and Bret Hart seemed more likely... honestly, by the end of the night, with all the mentions of Bret Hart during the HBK match, I was starting to wonder if they kidnapped Bret and were going to bring him in. It was just one of those "what the hell else can they do?" nights. |
| Andy: | They could have pulled more stuff out of JR's butt... or screwed a mannequin... |
| Bear: | ugh! |
| Bear: | WWE hates Warrior why would they bring him back for one show and a PPV? |
| Cray: | The Warrior thing is just an extreme hypothetical to show the absurdity of Vader coming out. |
| Cray: | The whole proctology sketch... wow. It's was the big hot button debate of the week, was it worse than Katie Vick? Bear, you don't remember Katie Vick, so I'll set the stage: |
| Cray: | Triple H, dressed up like Kane, humping a mannequin in a coffin, and then throwing her "brains" at the camera and saying he "Screwed her brains out" |
| Bear: | Wow that's kinda f***ed up! |
| Andy: | I thought Katie Vick was funny. However, I also think pulling things out of peoples' butts is funny too. I really liked when they pulled things out of HHH's butt. |
| Cray: | But is it still funny after the way they legit shafted JR? |
| Andy: | The nurse had big boobies. |
| Bear: | Yeah yeah yeah everyone has their head up their ass, what else is new?? |
| Bear: | No it was never funny. |
| Cray: | Right, they used the same exact gag 3 years later (give or take a week). That's some progressive writing. |
| Cray: | Which brings us to the overall writing of RAW recently.... yeah, so it's back to USA and back to McMahon-o-Mania runnin' wild. This doesn't sell... well, anything. Does it get Vinnie Mac's rocks off to screw with the fans? Also, how bright is it to do so with real competition possible in the near future? |
| Andy: | I'm figuring that nurse got his rocks off. And what do you mean competition? Is Nitro coming back? NWO 4-eva! |
| Bear: | every McMahon but Shane-0-Mac |
| Bear: | In everyone's dream! Well never see Nitro up and runnin ever again! |
| Andy: | ECW came back |
| Bear: | For how long? |
| Cray: | Because Shane doesn't count, lol. I sincerely hope they've got something planned as an ending for this, and they're not just going to let it wander off into the desert to slowly die in a year like the Kane/Lita/Matt/Snitsky/Baby/Edge thing. Hopefully Shane's absence serves a greater purpose... such as being the single face McMahon savior to the insanity. |
| Andy: | One Night Stand, but hell, one night stands are how I roll. |
| Bear: | Exactly! |
| Cray: | Andy, WCW is dead. Vince owns it. Vince hates it. Vince ridicules it. ECW had a rebirth of popularity and made him some money. |
| Andy: | I miss Starsky and Hutch |
| Bear: | wow |
| Cray: | Anyway, to round out the JR thing, Taboo Tuesday had Joey Styles on commentary with King. I find Styles bearable, which is more than I can say for Jonathon "Flying Burrito" Coachman. Plus, you have to wonder where they're going with Coach's character if the people he supposedly runs with are Golddust, "Fall on my fat red ass on live TV" Vader, and the HeartThrobs. |
| Andy: | Vader didn't fall down. He just mistimed the Vader Bomb |
| Andy: | I miss Jake the Snake |
| Andy: | Isn't Joey Styles an indy wrestler? |
| Bear: | I agree he fell on his big red ass and made the camera man fear for his life! |
| Andy: | That camera man was asking for the Vader Bomb |
| Cray: | No, Andy, you're thinking of TNA's AJ Styles... well, I assume you are. |
| Bear: | oh gees |
| Andy: | Actually I think I was thinking of Kadillac Kasey James |
| Andy: | I miss USA Champ |
| Bear: | I'm so glad Andy knows what he's talkin about *rolls eyes* |
| Cray: | before we get off of WWE and onto the alternative, a few things I'd like to get some thoughts on. |
| Cray: | First, the new Smackdown Juniors.... yay, midgets! |
| Cray: | How long before they're jobbing to roided out super heavyweights? |
| Andy: | I give it another week or so. Then Viscera will invade smackdown and eat mini-V1. |
| Bear: | Add B B Q sauce and Big Show is there |
| Cray: | ... and Kane can cook them. |
| Bear: | yay fire |
| Cray: | New tag champs! Maybe the division won't suck now.... eh, yeah it will. |
| Andy: | I liked when Kane lit JR on fire. |
| Cray: | Speaking of champs, lets finish off our WWE conversation by asking: John Cena, is the champ still here? |
| Bear: | what about Shane-0-Mac's charred nuts?? |
| Andy: | Or when he killed Shawn Michaels |
| Cray: | Cena's been increasingly booed. |
| Cray: | Is it time for a new champ or heel turn? |
| Andy: | Or when he raped Lita |
| Bear: | Most likely since they keep shoving him down our necks! |
| Cray: | Yeah, it does seem that the fans seem to be revolting to McMahon-o-Mania, and everywhere has become "bizarroworld" where the top face gets booed. If you were booking, heel turn or drop the belt, Bear? |
| Andy: | Or when he tombstoned Linda |
| Andy: | Or when he kidnapped HHH, but he didn't get the trunk shut very good and he escaped. |
| Bear: | heel turn is more likely since the WWE loves heels |
| Andy: | Heels are hot, especially on Chinese chicks. |
| Cray: | OK, I think we're all sick of WWE for now, so lets get into TNA. |
| Bear: | We know you love Gail Kim |
| Andy: | TNA? Test and Albert were fired |
| Bear: | : | |
| Cray: | So, first off, is TNA getting there? Are they becoming a contender? |
| Bear: | They’re movin up I think |
| Andy: | Now I know you're on crack, last I remember, Test was teaming with Steiner... and he's fired too. |
| Cray: | With their move to Spike, I've noticed a lot of improvements, especially the production value. However, they still seem to be making some of the same booking mistakes. |
| Cray: | But it IS getting better. |
| Cray: | Speaking of crack, Monty Brown... how much crack does he smoke before each promo? |
| Andy: | I like Monty Brown |
| Bear: | Hell they even have a ring announcer now! |
| Cray: | Yep, they moved Borash down to the ring, and it really adds a lot to the entrances, which is key to the presentation. |
| Cray: | Monty Brown seriously annoys me. He may be the new Ultimate Warrior of promos. Pure cheese, usually out of left field, rarely makes any sense. |
| Andy: | I understand him. He thinks he's a big kitty or something. At one point, I think he thought he was a Martian. I miss Trytan |
| Bear: | He is a very very confused man! He doesn't know a heel or face from a hole in the ground! |
| Cray: | Good point. Before he moved to Planet Jarrett for a while, you had no clue whether he was supposed to be a heel or face, but not in the classic tweener way, such as Abyss. Now that he's "stalking" Jarrett, is he supposed to be a face? I still hate him. He still doesn't make any sense on the mic. He's still limited to squashes in his singles matches. If he's so damn good, lets see it. |
| Cray: | Criminy, Batista's workrate improved faster than this! |
| Andy: | I miss IRS |
| Cray: | Plus, the pounce.... a spear that more or less half misses. CRAP! |
| Bear: | lol |
| Cray: | During their two hour Thursday night special, we did learn how to get over a minute out of a Monty Brown singles match: have him pounce the hapless jobber 3 times. I get it, he did it to send a message to Jarrett. But... isn't using the innocent as examples to your foes something heels generally do? What are they booking this guy as? |
| Andy: | I miss Christian |
| Bear: | yeah I wish he didn't quit |
| Cray: | Andy! Stop sidetracking us from TNA! |
| Bear: | ok the booking is about as bad as WWE |
| Cray: | TNA, home of the X Division. There were two strong showings of the X Division Thursday. Of all the X guys, who do you think came out looking best? |
| Bear: | Aries |
| Bear: | I think he was the best all in all, BUT I hate how Bently got screwed in the Ultimate X because he was the one that got the X most of the way down. Push him! |
| Andy: | Monty Brown |
| Bear: | Andy you suck |
| Cray: | I'm with Bear, Aries was a human highlight reel. But, honorable mentions to Samoa Joe and AJ Styles. Joe came off great in the monster role, and AJ didn't blow any spots, which he seems to have been doing a bit more of lately. |
| Cray: | Sonjay “The Sprinkler” Dutt though, why is he not a jobber anymore? |
| Cray: | He just reeks of lame. |
| Andy: | Like Zach Gowen? |
| Bear: | oh God Andy that is so not right!! |
| Cray: | Gowen's a dick anyway. You heard me, novelty act! OK, lets get down to the main event, the NWA Title. Rhino gets a very short run after Nash misses the PPV, and then Jarrett castrates him on the special. Two questions: When will they stop paying Nash, and will another Jarrett title run hurt the promotion's progress? |
| Andy: | Rhino's still alive? Also, stop trying to mess with me. I'm not stupid. I'm well aware that Dale Jarrett is a race car driver and not a wrestler. |
| Bear: | I don't think they'll stop paying him as long as TNA can rub it in WWE’s face that they have him. |
| Bear: | OMG Andy! We're talking about Jeff Jarrett you damned Moron!! |
| Cray: | Hell, with the way WWE's booking, you may have a point. It's dying days of WCW in the WWE! |
| Andy: | I miss Shelton Benjamin |
| Andy: | Rest In Peace, Uppity |
| Bear: | He can fly better than you Andy |
| Cray: | Shelton still works for WWE, Andy. He's on Heat. |
| Andy: | WTF is Heat? |
| Bear: | Something you don't have |
| Cray: | Never mind, Jarrett, final thoughts... |
| Bear: | Yes and No... |
| Andy: | Was better in the Ford Quality Care car than the UPS car |
| Bear: | Yes, because they've had it on him way too long and they were pissing people off |
| Andy: | oh, and I miss Bill Elliot in the McDonalds car |
| Bear: | No, because Jarrett is amusing to many old school and they like him with the title |
| Bear: | Andy get your mind off NASCAR we're talking about Wrestling! |
| Cray: | I don't mind Jarrett with the title if they could just freshen up the gimmick a bit. He's ripped off NWO, DX and the Horsemen without really changing his own gimmick... something new would be nice. |
| Andy: | I'll wrestle you! |
| Bear: | No thanks Andy I don't want to hear you cry when you lose |
| Andy: | I miss the Naturals..... from USA Champ |
| Cray: | Well, now that they've dropped the NWA gold, you'll probably see a lot more of them there. |
| Bear: | Oh really that sucks, seeing as we can't see them if they start messing around at USA Champ |
| Cray: | Yep, we're screwed. But, that's wrestling for ya. I'd like to thank my panel members today. I reckon that's about all my 2 readers can stand. |
| Andy: | can I get paid now? |
| Bear: | I enjoyed my time with Cray but not so much with Andy. He's a pain in the ass and NO you’re not getting paid!! |
| Cray: | Thanks for reading, and remember, NOBODY GETS PAID. |